i should really be sleeping

But I'm not. And I'm bored. So I'm going to go all "dear diary" on this blog's ass and talk about how I found comedy.

I wrote a little about this in that way-too-long analysis of the current state of television a month back.

I guess the first comedy I was exposed to was I Love Lucy. And I did. I really really loved her. I still consider it classic, but I'm no crazed fan. Can't remember the last time I saw the show. I guess it was a good place to start for a young girl. I was watching The Cosby Show along with everyone else. I loved reruns of Laverne and Shirley, and when I got older, Cheers and the occasional episode of Seinfeld. When I could stay up, I remember watching the late-night shows. When I was old enough to know better, I preferred Letterman.

I think I discovered SNL the season after Garofalo & Kightlinger were on the show. In other words, when it started to come back to life. (Though I love Garofalo & Kightlinger. It's just that that season was awful.) I loved Comedy Central, where I caught up on my SNL reruns. There was also this show I remember watching... Strangers With Candy. I was about 14 when it came out, and I loved it, but of course it was not exactly "clean" entertainment. Also, the Upright Citzines Brigade, but it was the same deal with that show. And Kids in the Hall. All so dirty!

I should mention here that my parents were very protective. I think I was only allowed PG films until I was 16 and was driving and could hide the contraband I'd rented on my own. Now, of course, like any normal kid I'd seen my fair share of stuff that I wasn't allowed to with my delinquent friends. But still, I didn't grow up seeing stand-up on tv or watching anything really groundbreaking with my parents. You see, my parents are Christians. My father is a preacher, in fact. Oh, and my mother's father? A preacher. So one can understand that I had a lot of catching up to do once I realized all that was out there in the comedy world.

So yeah, at the time SWC was on the air, I only watched when I happened upon it and my parents weren't there to tell me to turn that filth off. When I saw the DVDs after they came out, I instantly remembered the brilliant show and bought them, watched them, watched them some more and then turned all my friends onto the show. I can't remember exactly when it was, but I was either about to, or just starting college. So now I was safe to watch all the dirty tv shows and movies I'd ever wanted to. I'd always loved comedy, but now I started watching, catching up and researching like it was my job.

My college experience was less than satisfactory. I went into it with the mindset that loans were bad, as my father told me basically that I could NOT have college loans, this the man who hadn't saved anything for my college, as he believed it was the child's responsibility, not the parent's. My parents told me they could help about 1200/semester. So money was tight in college and my sophomore year it just got bad. I ended up dropping out halfway through that spring semester.

I didn't make any friends at college, really. It was nothing like I had imagined. I had hoped it might be slighly better than the town where I'd gone to high school, but no, I was still in this shitty state and it really made no difference. Basically everyone sucked. People already had their friends and didn't need any more. This was my worst fear realized. I'd gone to school hoping to learn and to make cool friends, have awesome experiences, etc.

BUT at the beginning of sophomore year I met this really awesome girl with whom, in nearly every detail of our lives, we found creepy similarities. We were instantly best friends. We smoked pot together. I never smoked pot in high school because I didn't have those kinds of friends (didn't have many friends). Yeah, high school was boring. So I met someone cool and we were having a grand time, but school had gotten out of hand, I was depressed and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I hated my classes because I had idiot professors and so I didn't go to class. Thus, school had become a giant waste of money, and it was quickly putting me into debt. So I left.

Just a few months later, the Asssscat special came out on Bravo. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. When I thought improv, I thought the Drew Carey shit that's on tv. But this longform stuff was incredible. I instantly knew that this was something I wanted to do. And the more I learned about it, and of the improv communities that exist, I knew I had to be a part of that.

I'd always harbored a secret dream of becoming a comedian, but never really thought it practical or realistic as a career. Just as I would never have gone to school for drama, even though I have always wanted to act. As a child there was nothing I wanted more, and I don't remember ever saying anything to my parents, so if I did they must have quickly doused that fire. I never mentioned this desire to anyone as far back as I can remember, but it's always been there. My family was never, shall we say, supportive of my dreams. So I quickly put all of those silly thoughts away and figured I'd study something serious and get some serious job and wear a suit every day. There could not possibly be anything less practical for me.

Very important in coming to the conclusion that I have, was realizing how imcompatible the kind of lifestyle I really want to lead would be with any "traditional" job. I doesn't matter how poor I'd be, if I could just do comedy, be friends with comedians and do projects with cool people, I'd be happy.

I should also state here that I know how likely it is that I will suck and never make a cent performing. But I feel strongly enough to take that chance, and I have a stronger feeling that I will succeed to some degree than that I will be an utter failure (not conceit, just enough confidence to to something as crazy as I am about to do). And I do know that if I achieve any level of success, it will take a long long time to get there.

AND I don't need to be a movie star, I don't need to be on SNL, and I do NOT want a facking sitcom.

ANYWAY, it took me a while after deciding to study improv to finally get comfortable with the idea of doing stand-up. I've actually thought in terms of stand-up for a long time, if that makes any sense. I'd write monologue in my head. But I never thought seriously about doing stand-up. I only recently began writing down my jokes (and sketch ideas) regularly. The more I learn about the scene up in NY, the less intimidating it becomes and the more excited I get about trying out my set.

I'd been planning on getting to NY for a vacation for a long time when I finally went in Nov 2005, even thought I shouldn't have (me = broke). By then, just a few months after first seeing Asssscat, I was completely confident in my decision to pursue comedy, so I was very excited to finally take in some live shows. I saw Asssscat, naturally, and it was incredible, naturally. It just cemented my feelings that this was something I had to do. I also saw Free to be Friends, I believe in its first run, which was brilliant. It was a cool experience and I could totally see myself doing this kind of stuff. And of course the city was great. It had been nine years since I'd been to NY, I'd always loved the city and hoped to end up there. I eat up every good book or website about the city I come across - living vicariously until I am there myself.

So then I just had to find a way to New York. This meant first getting $$ stuff in order, which I am still working on. It's a vicious cycle: I can't afford to move to a place where I might find a good job, so I stay here where I can live for free, but where finding work is nearly impossible. But at least now I know what I want to do, and what I have to do to get there.

I can't imagine anyone being interested in this, but I thought I might share my story of "discovering" comedy before going any further with this blog. And it has been decidedly un-funny. I left out the funny stories and anecdotes so it wouldn't get too long. Too late!

At least now it's out of the way.