10 June 2006

makes-you-smart tv

Or at least, filling-your-brain-with-totally-useless-facts tv. For the most part. I'll admit that, inexplicably, I feel as though I'm accomplishing something by watching history programs.

So yes, in the break I took from blogging, I watched a lot of television. Naturally. Mostly really random stuff on the History channel. A sampling: Washington the Warrior, Who Wrote the Bible, Digging for the Truth, Mysteries of the Freemasons, UFO Files, Building in the Name of God, oh and half a dozen more....

Deadliest Catch (Discovery). I really have no way of explaining my fascination with a show about Alaskan crab fisherman, but I am sure that my vast knowledge of king crab fishery practices will be useful in some future situation.

I am completely obsessed with the show Mega Disasters. I've seen nearly all of them and I will fully own up to what some might call morbid fascination. (Although I think of it more as emergency preparedness.) Episodes include these what-ifs:

"Asteroid Apocalypse," in which a 2km-long asteroid hits the earth off the coast of LA, killing millions on impact, and setting off a string of events that will kill millions more (ridiculous tsunamis, famine, etc).
"West Coast Tsunami," in which an earthquake and tsunami devastate the west coast. And it's not a matter of IF, it's a matter of WHEN. Chilling.
"New York City Hurricane," in which we learn what a direct hit from a category 3 hurricane might do to NY. Think major flooding downtown and deep into Brooklyn, flooded subways, and, ohhhh, less than two days after determining the storm's change in direction to evacuate a few million peeps. And again, the experts say that it's gonna happen, the city is overdue.

Know what? I think Pat Robertson's been watching these shows too. The Lord didn't tell him disaster would strike these cities, Discovery channel did. And he's gonna "told you so" all of us after it goes down.

The Revolution is a new 13-part series on the History channel that began last Sunday. When I watch these shows I'm always shocked by how much I remember from history classes. Because, you see, I never read the textbooks and kinda skipped a lot of class. Remarkably, I got all A's and just a few B's over the course of my high school career. With the exception of Mrs. Franklin's class.

AP american history, senior year. She was a big fat woman with pinkish blonde dyed hair and a proclivity to wearing Birkenstock sandals. She and her husband (also a big fatty) were the hippie liberals. Any others at the school were closeted (this is the heartland). At the time I still thought I was a Republican, just like everyone else. (And just like my parents!) And so I, and my classmates, mercilessly made fun of them. Everyone thought that they were real funny and original when they inevitably made the joke "how do they have sex? must take a year to find his penis" etc etc.

This was a pretty hardcore class. She knew her shit. It was more college-like than any of the other AP classes I took, and in fact, a lot more college-like than 90% of the classes I took in college. We're talking major reading. The class used a college text, and to pass exams, just listening in class and taking notes, and then studying said notes, would not be enough. And I think I mentioned my beef with texts. I don't do texts. So I got B's & C's all year in her class and then, final quarter, an F. So she gave me a D that second semester EVEN though I got a high B on the final, which accounted for a large percentage of the final grade. I'm still pretty sure it should have been a C. This meant that I would no longer graduate with honors. But whatev. I'm so totally over it now.

High school only matters to a person in high school and fortunately I knew it then. But I was disappointed to be lumped in with all the average students at graduation: people would have no way of knowing that I wasn't a complete idiot. As I walked across the stage they would surely think "What a dumbass. Why are we wasting time on her? These sub human creatures should not be allowed to participate in the ceremony. Hurry up and get to my kid." Now all that matters is that I graduated.
By the by, I graduated with a 4.1-something. This merely means that I took a lot of honors and AP classes, which were easy at my school, and that I'm REALLY GOOD at bullshitting. I may not have learned any of what we were studying, but I always rocked those essays.


What was I posting about, again? tv. yeah. Good stuff, that tv.

1 Comments:

Blogger John said...

Six Feet Under makes me feel smart. So do documentaries. And "Playschool".

12:58 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home